The birthday in the Big Apple that just kept giving

The first week of June always seems to be a transition time in my life. That time of year always marks the end of school, the start of summer, first days of work, moving trips, new rent leases, and.... my birthday! 

I turned 21 somewhere between Wyoming and Ohio, probably on about hour 17 of my mom and I's cross-country trip to move me to the Buckeye State (the first time). I turned 22 two days after moving to Manhattan, Kansas, (the Little Apple). I drank a box of wine on my couch with Stones and went to my favorite college bar via teleconference with some of my dearest friends. I went to work the next day with a headache and wondered if I was really cut out for this whole moving-to-a-new-state-and-being-an-adult thing.

This year, I turned 23 in the other Manhattan, a loooooong way from Kansas. We were working about 100 miles outside New York City on a farm tour and my co-workers treated me to a night out on the town for my birthday.

That was the fanciest birthday dessert I have ever had -- a peanut butter chocolate mousse cake. I very eloquently described it as "chocolate pudding mixed with cake perfectly formed into a pile of goodness with flecks of really fancy, thinly sliced Butterfinger candy in it. With ice cream."

But my favorite part of the whole night wasn't the amazing dessert, or the jalapeno whipped potatoes, or the creamed spinach or the Certified Angus Beef brand Prime dry-aged-to-perfection rib eye... although all those items were fantastic. My favorite part was... the menu.

Thanks, BLT Prime, for loving your customers so much you want to educate them about beef cuts. An educated consumer is a empowered purchaser. Go ahead and empower yourself to love the beefy basics a little more here.

Later that week, I arrived home to Woo-town to this sweet little gift:

I've been in desperate need of new luggage for about two years now. The old set finally became intolerable when I started using a safety pin to try and zip it open and closed. My favorite group of Woo-town friends took pity on the deplorable state of my luggage and got my new set started. They're awesome like that.

Know who else I think is awesome?

Jessica Simpson. I know, everybody thinks she's real, real dumb. Maybe she is. But I have to appreciate a girl who will rock a "Real Women Eat Meat" t-shirt after picking up on Carrie Underwood's ex. And she makes shoes and handbags to die for... and now luggage to love. 

The next day, I got this little treat from Rhinestone Cowgirl: 

If you can't read the note, the jest of it is this: she wanted to buy me a birthday beer, but there happened to be about 1,000 miles between us. So bought six and mailed them instead. That's friendship.

 

Early the next week, Ms M surprised me with orange cake for a belated birthday breakfast. I just finished the last leftover piece day before last. I can't even begin to explain how amazing this super special orange cake is, but if I ever finagle the recipe out of her, I'll share it, and you'll love me (even more) for it.

 

Then THIS week (now a full two weeks after my birthday), DOD finally made good on a promise and made it into a fun little birthday treat. He's been raving about this irresistible ice cream that's made only in the Buckeye State pretty much since the day I moved here.

I really had my doubts that this ice cream could really be that much better than other ice creams. Let's be honest, I'm not exactly known for my refined palate... this is a girl who digs truck stop food and likens a dessert at one of NYC's finest steakhouses to "fancy Butterfingers."

But I must admit... this ice cream was fancy. It was delicious and perfect and amazing. I think I just reached a quota for nice adjectives in one sentence describing something to do with Ohio.  

Well done, Graeter's. You've made a believer out of me.  

Meanwhile, the time between June 3 and June 18 has been filled with balloons, cards and sweet phones calls from friends and family.

Today, I think I finally closed the books on the two-week celebration of turning 23.

I lovingly took the Jessica Simpson tags off my new luggage, stuffed it full and loaded it up in the beefy mini-van. I begrudgingly handed it off to a grumpy man with the TSA at the Cleveland airport. It arrived in Chicago with me this afternoon, scuffed and a little dirty, and I knew the party was over.   

Take me out the baaallllgame...

Question: What is the most boring thing in the world to watch on TV?

Fact: Baseball is the most boring thing in the world to watch on TV.

But I don't have TV. Therefore, baseball gets to remain an idylic and nostalgic American pastime in my mind and is spared descriptions of mind-numbing boredom. Yes!

Baseball also has this going for it:

Baseball parks are one of the few places in the world that have food comparable to truck stops. Ballparks have the advantage of also serving beer. Mathematically, this means ballpark food > truck stop food. And you know how I feel about truck stop food.     

CAB took us out for an evening at the Akron Aeros ballpark last night. And by "us," I mean any of our 100+ employees who were interested in bringing their family to a AAA baseball game for free, nacho-cheese-sauce-and-jalapeno-smothered-hot dog included. How awesome is that?! 

What with the Americana nostalgia, truck stop-style hot dogs and cold beer, it was a perfect summer night with great friends.

I even learned a very valuable life lesson from KOD after taking this picture with Bobcat:

ME: I hate taking pictures so close to the camera. I always feel like my face is trying to back away from the camera so much that it ends up looking like my chins are literally attached to my chest and I don't have a neck.  

KOD: Tyra has to tell models to avoid that all the time. I learned this on America's Next Top model. You're suppose to put your shoulders back, keep your chin up and try to look intrigued by the camera all the time. You have to try to let your face stand out from your body.

*KOD stretches her neck out like a scared/curious giraffe.*

*Belle of the Blog follows suit*

ME: Oh, ya. I can totally see how that's flattering. So that's what I've been missing without cable all this time... 

KOD: Ya, who says Tyra doesn't have anything important to share with the American public?

ME: Well, usually I do. But I guess I'm wrong. I mean, we're clearly on our way to being America's Next Top Model with technique like this: 

Clearly. Thanks, Tyra.

You all can now look forward to a new, hotter, more photogenic Belle of the Blog from this point forward... or a weird, head-floating-away-from-my-body-chubby-giraffe-look. Whatever.

KOD pulls it off so much better than me. I guess that's the benefit of seeing Tyra's examples first hand.

Oh, wait... there's a baseball game going on?

Yes, there was. And we actually did pay attention to it. We did the wave, we high-fived, we danced along to cheesy music and we jeered at one of our co-workers for not making a dive for a fly ball that landed three rows in front of him.

To top it all off, there were fireworks.

I like fireworks. A lot. I squeal like a little baby kid and oooooh and ahhhhhh and clap and want to high-five people. So many awesome things all at once.

I swear, someday I'll grow up all the way. But not today. And certainly not until after the 4th of July. OK, fine. Maybe never. Here's to summa, summa, summatime!

The beefy basics, part II

May was Beef Month. May 28 was National Hamburger Day. Today is the second day of June. So why, you ask, is today the day I share the second episode of The Beefy Basics?

Well, quite frankly because I've been a terrible blogger lately. I've barely blogged more than once a week this whole month. I have so much to share right now my head is nearly exploding, but it turns out when I'm actually having a life, there is less time to write about it than times when I'm living in my PJ's talking to Stones more than human people on a regular basis.

You might remember, I started with blog with the intention pressuring myself into having a life and being an educational outlet for all the seemingly useless knowledge that jumbles around in my hear. Lately, it's been more of a personal gossip column. Sorry about that. Unless you are a reader who prefers senseless and sometimes pointless ramblings about my fabulous life -- In that case, sorry about the fact I'm about to cram more educational and important knowledge into your eye holes.

Remember last time I explained the basics of beef grading? I hope you read that one. I know, it was long and involved numbers and graphs instead of pithy jokes and fun pictures, but I swear it was a post full of valuable information. Today, I want to share the second part of the BEEF 509 course I took earlier this spring: the basics of beef cuts.

Here's a video from the American Meat Institute that pretty much sums it all up:

It's a little dry, but that video just summed up about three pages of writing in less than three minutes of simple video. You're welcome.

Why is this important? Well, when you're standing in front of the meat case dumbfounded by all the options, names and shapes, just image the sub-primal cuts and how those names are reflected in the individual cut names. Think through it logically and imagine this picture:

Beef that comes from the middle of the animal (rib and loin) are more tender and can be quickly cooked -- think grilling, broiling, etc. Those muscles don't get much exercise, so they are nice and tender (like me). Cuts that have names from the front and back of the animal (chuck, round and others) work a lot more. They are more muscular (like the Hulk) and do better in a slow cooker or as a roast. In short, I'm perfect just the way I am. The Hulk might need a little time or marination to tolerate.

Yes, that was a legitimate analogy.

In all seriousness, here are the points about beef cuts I want you to remember:

• The most tender cut of beef is the tenderloin. We cattle people are not trying to trick you, folks. 
• For the leanest cuts, look for the words round or loin in the name.
• There are 29 cuts of beef that are considered lean by the USDA. Yes!
• Remember in the beef grading basics blog when I described the standards for beef that meets the Certified Angus Beef(R) brand? Well, there are 24 cuts of CAB you can enjoy while staying lean, too. Yes! (fist pump) Yes!
• If you are looking for something with a more robust flavor, go with something like a ribeye (my favorite).
• Don't be afraid to ask the meat manager, butcher or chef if you don't recognize the name of a piece of beef. While we're not trying to trick you, sometimes marketers try to get jazzy and make simple terms fancy. Fancy = confusing. That's why they call PR "the dark side." Ask questions, because knowing what kind of cut you have is going to have a big impact on how you should prepare it and ultimately how much you enjoy that tasty little packet of protein.
• OR, check out this website: http://consumer.certifiedangusbeef.com/cuts/Default.aspx. It's a great starting place to help you understand the different cuts and cooking methods.  

Most importantly: if you are ever in a situation when you have the chance to learn about beef cuts first hand and break down a sub-primal, do it. It's a very cool thing to learn and do. But do not; I repeat: do NOT, think being this hot will prevent you from being clumsy with a very sharp knife:

Despite the hairnet, wrist guard, hard apron, cut resistant gloves and XXL frock, it is still possible to mistake your finger for a rib. If you mistakenly cut your finger instead of a rib steak, it bleeds a lot.

Sometimes, doing that will make you realize all the blood that is rushing out of your finger is coming directly from your brain. When all of your brain blood is gushing from your finger, this may lead you to faint in a meat lab. Sometimes it even takes a few minutes to wake up and remember where and who you are. Sometimes, you'll be one of only three girls in a class of 30 men and suddenly find yourself being viewed as the most stereotypical drama queen in the world.

Sometimes, a wound like that will make your finger swell and turn green and spurt blood for three days.

Sometimes, a camera phone photo with no flash doesn't do justice to how dramatic an injury really is.

That's all I have to say on that very hypothetical subject.

The beefy basics, part 1

These next couple posts will break down the basics of beef buying and talk about actually breaking down a beef carcass. Get your thinking cap on – there will be quizzes!

What??? Stop your groaning! I can’t just endlessly entertain you with stories about my travels, photography, cooking, nonsense and my naturally charming sense of humor. There must be education every once and a while, people. But you’re going to like it, I promise.

I had a pretty abrupt education on beef buying about five years ago, and I want to spare you from the same traumatic experience. I thought I was a fairly worldly college freshman – I traveled a lot with the National Beef Ambassador Program, promoting the beef industry and sharing the cattle production story. That was easy. The problem was, I had a hard time connecting with consumers’ stories.

 

Beef had always magically appeared in my freezer, straight from Nelson Farms. It showed up wrapped in crisp, white butcher paper with a red stamp that told us we were the only people allowed to pay for this product. An accompanying blue stamp described simple things: GROUND BEEF. STEAK. ROAST. BONELESS STEW. STEW BONES. PUT ME IN HAMBERGER HELPER. You see, I like simple things.

 Then one day, I ran out of beef from Nelson Farms. I had to go to the grocery store and venture into the meat case, just like 98% of our population does. I was completely and totally dumbfounded. I didn’t even know where to start. All the things my high school ag teacher tried explain in our meat evaluation segment jumbled around in this big ol’ blond head as I stood at the meat counter…. hmmmm…. quality grades… cutability… yield grades… USDA inspections…. marbling… oh, if only I had spent more time paying attention in ag class and less time talking boys into doing projects for me! I knew that was going to backfire eventually. I just knew it. They were just so gullible...

I resorted to the only thing I knew to do at the time – I called my mom. She walked me through it, explaining that yes, this beef looks a little different. Yes, that is OK. No, Select is not an instruction to pick that one... buy at least Choice. Yes, that ground beef looks kind of like worms, but it will taste the same. No, I will not reimburse you for this expense. You're a big kid now. Ugh.

Since then, I’ve made sure to truly educate myself on the beef industry, not just the cattle industry. That turned out to be a pretty good thing to understand, since making those connections pays my bills these days. I got a great refresher course on these concepts last weekend at the BEEF 509 course, which reminded me how confusing the meat case can be to consumers and cattlemen.

So this is where the education starts. I’m going to define a couple terms that we’ll need to differentiate here.

First, inspection. All beef sold in a retail store must be inspected through a branch of the USDA (United States Department of Agriculture) called the FSIS (Food Safely and Inspection Service). This process ensures the wholesomeness of the product. The FSIS works very hard to make sure your beef is safe to eat. They’re nice like that.

Second, grading. Beef grading determines value (as in, price and enjoyment). A grade from the USDA is different than an inspection approval from the USDA. An inspection only determines it is a safe, wholesome product. A grade determines varying levels of quality in that product, which then helps determine its value. This is governed by the USDA’s AMS (Agriculture Marketing Service). This is not mandatory, although nearly all beef product sold in retail stores is graded.

Get the different between USDA inspected and a USDA grade? Good. If you don’t, read those two paragraphs a couple more times. Or persuade someone else to explain it to you. This is getting lengthy and I have a short attention span.

Now… about beef grading. There are two types of "grades." 

Quality grade predicts the eating experience of said "graded" beef. It’s a system that categorizes the predictability of that piece of meat’s tenderness, juiciness and flavor. In essence, quality grade is all about palatability. This is what most people want to focus on when buying beef. We'll address that more in a bit.

Yield grade shows a comparison of meat and fat on a carcass. This helps retailers predict how much meat they will have to actually sell when they buy meat compared to how much will be considered “trim.” This is called cutability. YG is a somewhat complicated calculation that doesn’t really have a lot of applications to the everyday consumer – the jest of it is this: a YG1 has more meat, less exterior fat; a YG5 has less meat compared to more exterior fat. YG2, YG3 and YG4 are in between. If you really want to know how to calculate YG, be my guest. Here's the formula:

Ya, that's what I thought. Stick to this mental picture of what the different YG numbers mean:

See the difference between the amount of muscle and exterior fat? I love being a visual learner. So in review:

Quality grade = palatability.

Yield grade = cutability.

Still with me??? Good. There’s more. Let’s dig a little deeper into quality grade. Quality grade is determined by two things: maturity and marbling.

Maturity, like YG, probably isn't something the average shopper needs to concern herself with. Just know that the nice graders from the USDA look at bone characteristics, cartilage ossification and color and texture of the ribeye muscle to determine the physiological, not chronological, maturity of the beef animal. That basically means it doesn't matter how many birthday candles were on the last cake, it's all about how well (or poorly) your little (or big) behind metabolized it. Depending on those things, the graders assign the carcass a maturity designation of A (youngest) through E (oldest).

That maturity ranking is only half of the quality grade equation. The other half is the marbling score. The marbling score indicates.... this is a tough one... the marbling of that carcass. Marbling is the little flecks of fat spread throughout the meat. This intramuscular fat is what gives beef its great flavor and juiciness. Marbling is also considered "good fat," which makes it a homerun in my book. You can see the differernce in marbling between these two cuts:

Once the graders have determined how much marbling is in the beef, they do another calculation that combines the maturity rank and marbling score and sha-bam! A quality grade is born. This is where that stamp that says USDA Prime, Choice or Select comes from. There are more classifications, but these are the only ones you should ever even consider eating. Trust me on this one.

Prime has the most marbling and youngest maturity classifications. Only about two percent of beef grades Prime. It's super tasty and delicious.
Choice is what the majority of beef grades. It can vary from really good (upper Choice, which is closer to Prime) to just OK (lower Choice, which is closer to Select).
Select has slight traces of marbling, which means you're going to have to do some digging to find those little flecks of flavor. Some folks like Select beef because it tends to be a little leaner. Personally, I want a really tender, juicy steak and am willing to sacrifice a couple extra calories for it. That's just me -- you don't have to agree. However, if you've read this far into my babble, it seems like you might just care about my opinion, so there you have it.  

Now just for good measure, let's review this all one more time.

• Beef inspection determines wholesomeness. ALL beef is inspected and equally wholesome and safe. 
• Beef grading determines value. Beef grading determines value by using two indicators:
• Yield grade, which determines cutability.   
• Quality grade, which determines palatability.
• Quality grade determines palatability by looking at two items: maturity and marbling.
• Based on these items, beef is graded into these important categories:
• Prime = Yum, every time.
• Choice = Yummy, but can be inconsistant in its marbling. Hence the advent of branded beef programs like the Certified Angus Beef brand to bring a little more quality consistancy to the table. Oh come on... like you didn't know that plug was going to show up eventually.
• Select = eh, if that's what you're in to. It's a wholesome, nutritious product -- just a little different flavor profile than what this girl likes.  
• Everything else (Standard, Commercial, Utility) = never, ever buy for human consumption. Ever.

Got all that? Excellent! Now it's time for the quiz. I warned you about this!!!

Q1.) Who is my No. 1 blog follower from California?
Q2.) Who gave birth to my wonderfully charming and sweet roomate?
Q3.) Who is celebrating a birthday today?

A1.) Kathy; A2.) Kathy; A3.) Kathy
Happy Birthday, Kathy!!!

Just checking to see if anyone is really playing attention out there.

But really -- I hope this was a useful little lesson on beef basics. I know it was lengthy, and I'm exhausted from writing it. But this is important, people. The process of getting food on the world's table is a long and complicated, but it has safety, wholesomeness and consumer satisfaction in mind all the time. That needs to be understood. I want you to always enjoy your beef eating experience, and an educated consumer is a happy consumer. So holla if I missed something or you are dying to learn more!

Goodbye cubicle, helllllooo Kentucky!

For the first time in what feels like forever, I got out of my cubicle and have been on the road this week. On Tuesday, I headed my beefy mini van south. Yes, I look awesome driving a mini van. Try not to be jealous.

After a near breakdown over the lack of Chuckwagon sandwiches in southern Ohio truck stops, I arrived in Carrolton, Ken. I arrived round about one in the morning and found myself in home-sweet-home Hampton Inn. I love me a good Hampton Inn. The pillows are to die for.... but only if you got to die while sleeping on them. For real.

Bright and early Wednesday morning, I headed out to meet with some of the folks at The Beef Connection in northwestern Kentucky. Owner Bob Sand started the Beef Connection to help cattlemen in the state realize more value in their cattle and ranch business models. Since then, they've expanded to having members all over the state and partners across the nation and in every facet of the industry.

I spent the day with Bob, his son, Travis, and a couple producer-members learning about their ranching systems, the power of data feedback in herd improvement and a couple of other interesting aspects of life and agriculture in Kentucky. Somehow I think I got volunteered to experience the miserable-sounding process of the manual labor involved in tobacco harvest. Suddenly, wheat harvest in western Nebraska seemed like a walk in the park.

My new camera also got broken in on its first work trip. After months of experimenting on photo shoots of Stones, snow and sunrises, my sweet little Cannon got to focus on cattle. It was love at first sight for all involved. Here are some of the highlights:

Yes, that is a photo of a Charolais calf, taken by a camera owned by Certified Angus Beef LLC. But he was sired by a registered Angus bull. And he was really, really cute. I couldn't help myself.

These guys were cute, too. Springtime in a cattle pasture nearly makes me down-right giddy with happiness. 

I finally came to terms with the fact that there are places east of the Mississippi that are every bit as gorgeous as the open skies of Wyoming. This was one of those places. It's a different type of beautiful landscape -- the green kind, which we don't usually see back home for several more months.

Hoards of trees don't have to make a westerner feel claustrophobic, either. Not being able to see an open horizon is nice, too... when there are pretty little calves hiding behind every corner.

 So green. So peaceful. I love my job.

Can I tell you again how much I love springtime on a cattle ranch? I'll also remind you I love Hampton Inn pillows. There are five of them calling my name right now. They win.

Big Kitchen calling...

Those words are music to my ears, especially on a Friday afternoon.

Let me share with you one of the many joys of working for the company I do. On the other side of my cubicle wall, there live two professional chefs. In the basement right below my cubicle, there lives a big kitchen. On really, really happy days, the two get together.

So on mornings like today when I wake up late, forget breakfast, stumble into the office without my first cup of coffee and then realize I forgot to put socks on, a call from Big Kitchen is truly a blessing. The afternoon went something like this:

At 1:30 my tummy was grumbling, but I had become completely engulfed in digging through our writing archives to find the perfect stories to include in an upcoming publication. I got completely sucked in. I could get lost reading our archives for days. Seriously, check it out.

My phone rings. Caller ID reads "Big Kitchen." Hhmmmmm... I wonder who's down in the basement and wants to talk to me?

"Hello, this is Laura."

"Hello, Laura, This is Big Kitchen calling."

"Well, hello Big Kitchen. What's going on down there?"

"I'm cookin'. Wanna sandwich?"

"YES."

Aren't inter-company calls enthralling?

Chef Michael made me a Certified Angus Beef® Philly cheese steak sandwich. He popped it in this enormous toaster oven they call the salamander. I don't know why they call it that, but this baby could broil a steel post in about two seconds. 

Luckily, it also perfectly toasts steak sandwiches: 

I found this apple in my drawer and thought it would make my little desk-side meal look more complete and healthy. I was pretty sure it had only been in there a few days.

Unfortunately, an apple didn't really sound that appetizing with a tender, juicy steak sandwich. The vending machine downstairs had a much better option:

Life was looking up. With a full belly and renewed strength, things were really hummin' along on my Friday afternoon.

A couple hours later, Ms. M took it to a whole new level. She poked her head around the cubicle wall. "Pssstt. We're making a DQ run. It's almost spring, you know." It snowed this morning, but we're really trying hard to pretend like that didn't happen.

Chocolate cookie dough + Health bar blizzard = summertime in my dreams:

Oh, and that apple I had such good intentions of eating? I ended up using it for more of a stress ball for the rest of the afternoon as I mulled over new story ideas.

Turns out, you can all but smash up some apple sauce without breaking the skin on a hearty, desk-cured Gala apple.

Yes, that is complete mush under the skin. Weird, I know.

Are you wondering what the point of today's post is yet?

Quite frankly, there isn't one. I was just really pleased with how a bad morning turned into a fine afternoon, thanks to one little phone call from "Big Kitchen."